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One Liners For The After Dinner Speaker

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.
John Adams

If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of government.  But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money & power to government is like giving whiskey & car keys to teenage boys.
P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!
P.J. O’Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one part of the citizens to give to the other.
Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you.
Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap… except when government does it.
Anonymous

The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class… save government.
Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
Aesop

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